Locked up in prison!!!

I have a very very serious thing to confess here...

Before I tell you what it is, I'd like to you to fully understand the condition I am in. As you know, I'm under scholarship of PSD(Public Service Department, or JPA). And being a scholar means that I have to abide by some rules set in an agreement with the Government of Malaysia. This agreement is so serious that I had to sign it in front of a lawyer.
One of the main rule was that I have to obey the Japanese law at all times and if I ever get into trouble of any kind, the Government of Malaysia have all the right to end my contract and demand that I pay back every single cent they spent on me.

But....about two weeks ago, I was caught by the police and had to spend the night in a lockup.

Shit...I have been careful for so long, obeying every existing law...I even recycle and take out the trash properly for goodness sake! But alas, I'm only human and human make mistakes...


See that sexy policewoman holding a camera? She was the one who caught me in crime...yes, she is a policewoman who wears an impossibly short mini skirt baring her sexy legs. I tried to run away from being captured but....strangely, I lost ALL my strength when I saw her chasing me.
Worse when she stuck me against a wall and do that police "tap all over your legs searching for concealed weapons" thing...I really went weak that time...

What was I guilty of? Oh...well, I was guilty of almost forgetting the birthdays of three ladies...hehe..


From left : Happy Birthday to Tiew Chin Chin, Chin Sze Ting and Lim Fong Zyin...

I can't believe that just by forgetting birthdays of my friends, I would be sent to a Lockup!!


Here she is again, booking me in...

I tell you, it's horrible in a lockup!! They performed all kinds of experiments on poor me...


A concoction of various deadly chemicals named "The human experiment"...


They took out my eyeballs and put it in some kind of drink...


Li Jia is SOOOoooo delighted to be able to eat my eyeballs....

Folks...having been to a lockup, I can guarantee you that whatever rumors you heard about lockups are true!!!


The homosexuals of prisons...Michael and Loke Eng...


Crazy people dressing up funny....


There were shortage of food...so we had to rush and fight for one small piece of cake...


They even tried to poison me!!!

Hahaha....ehem....for those still confuse, this is actually about a birthday party held in a hip place called "The Lockup". It's a horror theme restaurant serving special drinks such as the ones above. There was Human Experiment, Aphrodite's Love, Clone Experiment, Eyeball Cocktail, and Electric Shock....I have to say that I had a lot of fun with the test tubes...^^V

Waiter/waitresses there dressed up as inmates, and every 2 hours, zombies will appear and try to scare us patrons....yeah, we were so scared that we laughed. Later, a "policewoman" will appear to "save us".
She was so sexy that when she came asking if everone is alright, everyone shook their head...haha...Oh, forgot to mention that her impossibly sexy mini skirt had a slit at the side that made it impossiblerly sexier!!

This is a very very cool place with interestingly fun drinks...had a lot of fun that night....

Happy Birthday again to the three ladies!!

Strangers have the best candy...

Recently, a friend of mine, Michael Tiong, have alerted me on a news about a Malaysian student studying in Waseda University being charged for drug smuggling.

Apparently, he went to Netherlands one day, and he was approached by a stranger. The stranger persuaded the poor stupid fellow(shall be called PSF from now on.) to assist him in drug smuggling by mailing hemp(plant to make marijuana) to PSF in Japan.

The court have found PSF guilty of smuggling, but is lucky enough to get away with a suspended sentence. The University however, also found PSF guilty, but guilty of being stupid enough to be persuaded into this, and is expelled from school for being so gawd damn stupid.

Now, unless he is a private student who is poor...we can all say "Well, I understand his situation". But he isn't poor! He went all the way to Netherlands for goodness sake!! Even I haven't been to Netherlands....
And, if he was under scholarship, like me, he would have enough money to undergo education comfortably. Can't buy you a Ferrari, but definitely enough to get you hot meals everyday.

Although he isn't someone I know, and he isn't part of scholarship of my sponsor...I can't help but feel that his actions somehow affected me. Everyone who took the trouble to read the papers(in Japan) will definitely know about this and will think that all Malaysians are alike.

Sigh...

Now, when exams approaches and people are looking for ways to release steam, I won't be surprised if one of them approaches me to buy some marijuana. It's sad to think that impression on Malaysians have gone sour like this.

Imagine the look people will give when they see me on the streets...

Imagine how they will all think of Marijuana when they see me...

Imagine...how much money I would make if I had sold drugs...hmm..

Imagine what I could buy with richness reaped by smuggling drugs!!

IMAGINE IF.....

Oh...ok, now I understand why PSF did it.

Moral of the story:
If you want to smuggle drugs, make sure the one supplying you is a professional. Don't get caught...^^

Pain in the Ass..

Ever wondered why "pain in the ass"??

I mean, there's so many other types of pain and sufferings, but "pain in the ass" is used to describe irritance, insufferables and annoyance.

Over the weekend, I've come to know the real truth behind it...and I didn't even need to refer to Wikipedia for it. You see.....well, as embarrassing as it is, I contracted some kind of infection on...well, I don't need to tell you where.

And it's been a real pain in the ass!! Literally...

I haven't been able to sit properly, I even came down with a slight fever, which I suspect is caused by the infection. I have no idea how I came to contract it, but I do know that it is very annoying and irritating. Not being able to sit down is one of the most cruel thing that can ever be done to a man.....sigh..

Damn, never have I wanted to curse for no reason as much as I do now..

No wonder sex predators in Malaysia gets punished by caning. Damn...god knows that I'll never sexually assault anyone in my entirely life.

Anyway, I've been to a very cool restaurant last saturday...will blog about it once I get the pictures from Joann.

From a Ferrari to a Kancil...

For the past few weeks, my life have been on a fast lane....

My research work, trips to parks, being chosen to represent foreign students in an interview...all the things to keep me occupied and busy. But it seems that I have run out of gas...sigh.

Other than shivering and complaining about the cold....I don't have anything to excite my life with.

Damn...

Man of the Year : Barack Obama

Congratulations to President Obama. Babies are smiling on your success.

Now can someone tell me....why is everyone so happy?

Why yes, a Black dude in the White house...sounds like Yin Yang.
A black dude for President of the United States, that certainly signifies changes that is to come. Everyone in US(well, the ones who voted for him) must be rejoicing.

Fine.

Congratulations.

But I don't understand why is everyone so happy? Even people in Japan!!


Japanese Hawaiian Girls dancing for Obama? WTF??

May be my fault for not being able to see what everyone else is seeing but....why so happy? I mean, it's not like he's elected PM of Malaysia. Or that he will present a big gift to Japan if he won...

All I see is a nation who finally accepted the idea of a black president after years of Hollywood movies projecting a African American for President. And also because of the "superb" job Bush had been doing, people more or less have phobia of war-minded politicians...

So once again...why is Obama's success something to rejoice about?

Don't get me wrong though, I'm not McCain's supporter and I'm not anti-US....but I don't see the point of clapping hands and smiling about it either....

Chrysanthemum tea anyone?

From left : Ayu, Dibah, Syou, Aan, Umi, Vincent Lai Chee Wei, and the dude in red...

Had a 3-day weekend holiday last weekend...seizing that opportunity, Randy tricked some girls
into providing him transportation to wherever he wants to go. In this, Randy actually means he asked some friends to join him spend the day outside...

I wanted to see autumn leaves so, I did some research on the net....I found a place called Momiji-dani(Maple Valley) in Yahiko, a village north of my place. It is supposedly a very beautiful place with breathtaking view of red maple leaves....so, I made plans with a few of my closest friends over the weekend.

And so I drove for one and a half hour to get there, singing Spice Girls along the way......reached there only to be greeted by rain. Damn, WHY?!!! But luckily, I was with a bunch of crazy people...and crazy people don't easily get depressed by rain.


So what we did was find a spot beside the parking area, and settled down for a little picnic....

Had rounds of delicious nasi goreng that wasn't really nasi goreng, blueberry coffee cake that had no coffee in it, and many plates of laughters for lunch. Was beginning to think that we had to go back as it was raining when suddenly, the rain let up!!

Okay!! Looks like autumn leaves watching is still in plan....


Wha....where are the red leaves? Why are the maple trees still green?!! Damn maples have been photosynthesizing for almost half a year, now they are too selfish to turn red and make me happy...

To early to be disappointed, I walked in a little deeper..


Damn...seems like the leaves are still planning to abuse the sun for another 2 weeks....

And so the truth came crashing down on me...

I came to early.....the leaves are not dying yet...


But the girls were happy nonetheless, grabbing every spot that had little red, and camwhored like there's no tomorrow....

No red leaves? Fine....there's another event nearby anyway. The Annual Chrysanthemum Festival held in Yahiko Shrine...




When someone mention chrysanthemum in Japan, one does not immediately think of Yeo's chrysanthemum tea. You see, while sakura is the hollywood star, chrysanthemum is their royal flower. Yahiko Shrine is one of few places that hold these kind of festivals yearly..




They are quite big in size...about the size of a small pumpkin...and in a variety of colours too..






And these are the tiny ones that we are all familiar with...you know, the ones floating in our tea cup. The way the flowers were arrange...you can see the essence of Japanese art in flower arrangement. Such beauty and harmony...


Highlight of the day....chrysanthemums arranged to resemble some landscape at sea. Beautiful ain't it?


Something like this...


And so the day's main event became Chrysanthemum Festival....not the original autumn leaves. But despite my poor timing of events, I had loads of fun that day.

And I never thought that I would one day sing Spice Girls songs at 23 years-old while driving ......haha.

Malacca : BE a Polygamist Year 2008

Recent news that caught my attention...

"Malacca may give RM1,000 to men who take them as second wives"

"Married men in Malacca may receive RM1,000 from the state government if they choose to take poor, single mothers as second wives, reported Harian Metro .
The daily quoted Malacca Chief Minister Datuk Seri Mohd Ali Rustam, who made the proposal, as stressing that the incentive would be given on condition, among others, that the men do not divorce their first wives.
He said the move was not to encourage polygamy but to ease the burden of single mothers who are dependent on welfare aid from various parties."

As a Malaccan, I must say, "WOW!! Really? Isn't this just a new campaign to boost tourism...shit, I have to get married soon before all the young mothers are taken up... "

Damn, I can't believe such proposal ever made it to the discussion table. Malacca must be a place that produces many jokers with funny craps, like myself (^^ v , and dear CM. But I gotta admit, he's a crappier guy than me, as I can NEVER come up with bullshit such as this...

What the hell does he mean by this will not encourage polygamy? OF COURSE this will encourage polygamy. He's giving away Rm1000 for goodness sake!!

Yeah, you can say that this is a good move to help support single mothers...but think again. They are hoping that men who 'need' this Rm1000 to support their second wive when they can't even support themselves!! AND we are talking about marriage for money...not marriage for love. How long can this kind of marriage last before ex-single mothers become single again? And what's stopping people from marrying to get the money, then ditch her to live on her own??

Hmm...makes me wonder...is Malacca's dear CM in love with some young chic who unfortunately got knocked up? In proposing this joke, he not only get to legitimately marry a second wive, he might even be the first "noble" one to actually marry and get the RM1000.

Damn...and I thought I've heard every possible nonsense from Malaysia, my dear hometown's CM came up with a "genius" plan to make me laugh all over again....

Japanese Gravure Idols....underneath all those greatness.

Today's attention is Akiyama Rina.....


No, her butt wasn't photoshopped....

Ehem....a pervert I am, but not just a pervert without an opinion. So, please read on...

Akiyama Rina is one of the many godly Gravure Idols in Japan...or you might know them by the term J-Idol. For those not living in Japan, gravure idols means Japanese models who primarily pose in bikinis and underwear(like above), whose sole purpose is to make men like me nose-bleed and slips into a hypnotic state and buy whatever magazines that have her on the cover... and let me tell you, it works. I have piles of magazine on my bedroom floor that I have no memory buying....

Scary, ain't it?

But seriously....no, they don't have hypnotic powers and I don't have a piles of magazines on my bedroom floor. Gravure Idols actually mean Japanese models who pose for photo spreads in magazines(comics mainly) and for photobook(a heavenly photo album of godly girls wearing provocative clothing). And while they are called models, they don't particularly model for companies to be used in advertisements. Their body IS their product....and that's what they are promoting. Just in case you are wondering, no, none of the pictures contain sexual elements, they don't do pornography.

And there's more than just having their pictures taken...

Take for example, Akiyama Rina, girl in the arousing picture above(Go ahead, you know you want to scroll back up). She is named to have the best butt in 2007. Jealous girls out there might think that..

"So what? Her parents gave her that...it's not like she earned it!!"

I thought the same too...until I came across this show on TV. The show was about her giving advices on how to make your butt look good. Yeah, I know....lol right? But after watching the show, I thought "Holy ass...I never knew that such knowledge existed!!!"

There's a whole list of do and don't, that these idols follow when it involves certain parts of their ASSet...Rina gave up some of her secrets of trade in this show....


ALWAYS wear a T-back underwear if you want to wear shorts. Avoid the embarrassing panty-line...


*Show's host starts listening intently...*


Always stand with your hips leaning on one side....it enhances sexiness


Left - Before..."wow, sexy"
Right - After... "OOooohh...se-x-ay!!


After lathering your face with facial wash...


Lather your butt cheeks next. ALWAYS treat your butt like it's your face....it's worth buying extra tube of facial wash. You will be rewarded a pair of silky smooth "cheeks"...
This somehow redefines the vulgar word "buttface"


Caption says "Sleep without your underwear"
Your butt spent one day being 'trapped', it's better to 'let it rest' at night...


The host can barely contain her excitement now....she was nodding and smiling all the way!!



And lastly, it ends with her giving advice on "exercising your butt"....the top being "walk your butt" and "butt-flex" on the bottom...

I don't know bout you guys, butt I find this amusing. Where else other than in Japan that do TV shows about butts? And where else other than Japan where real girls wearing real T-back appear live on TV??

Makes you suspect there's a Butt Faculty in some V-arse-sity somewhere..

In Japan, where gravure idols face somewhat fierce competition among each other, special measures are taken to maintain their Asset. Apparently, you don't get named Miss Ass-Japan 2007 just for being born with potential butts...you have to "develop" them....

I studied long hours to prepare for SPM, went through a lot of interviews, get Malaysian taxpayers to sponsor my coming to Japan, only to watch these kind of TV programs. Now, who said that this world isn't fair??

Shake your ass for the Earth!!

Up till today, I've gotten sick and tired of the "Environmental friendly" paradigm...

Yes, I know that the Ice Caps is melting and that the Earth's climate is getting weird...Al Gore made that pretty clear in his documentary.


Japan also played a big part in irritating me. With endless campaign of "Use Eco-bags, not plastic bags"....."Use your own chopsticks, not disposables"...."Turn off the lonely light bulb"...all these are no doubt a good move, but too bad, people only embrace these campaigns for so long. Japanese can be quite a hypocrite by doing things so that they "look good" in front of other people....they turn ugly as soon as one turn away.

And compulsory lectures that include "Save the Earth" topics isn't making life any more interesting either....as if scoring an "A" for that particular lecture will help regulate the Earth's climate. That's a worse crap than my blog...

I was thinking...
"To HELL with this save the earth thing...leave me alone and let me live my own selfish life!!!! Fine, I'll recycle and piss in the dark(turn off light bulb in my toilet)....just leave me alone with all these bullshit about 'envirofriendliness'. I have enough friends around, don't need to befriend the Earth. I'm not that lonely."

But then I saw this news report about a night club in Rotterdam, Western Netherlands...

Apparently, a nightclub called Watt, has installed floor panels that generates electricity when people dance on it.

The amount of generated electricity depends on how heavy the person is and the rhythm to which that person is moving. So, yeah..that means the fatter you are, and the more ridiculous your dance moves are, that makes you more earth-friendly. Time to eat more and learn to dance silly!!!


This floor panels can generate enough electricity to power the lights underneath the panels and some more...

To think how much energy could be saved if this technology is implemented in every night clubs...it's a significant amount as night clubs uses 150 times more energy than average household. And if they can install these in train stations in Tokyo where hundreds of thousands of people commute everyday...that's a hell lot more efficient than "Not use plastic bags" campaign.

Never knew that saving the earth could be this much fun. GO DUTCH!!!

Looking forward to see Al Gore dance in night clubs....

"Hey baby, look at how I'm saving the Earth by doing the Chicken Dance..."
"Let me hear you go....Y....M...C....A.....let's all save the earth.....Y...M..C...A..."

^^

The oh...so comfortable bed...

I'd say, Mother Nature must has been reading my blog....she must have seen the (embarrassing)video of me flirting with two Hong Kong chics, and now she wants to visit Japan. But then again, she's busy dealing with melting ice caps, so she sends one of her sons, Autumn to visit Japan instead.

Nagaoka have been enjoying a long period of warm days, with bright blue sky and trees green with pride.

Then, Randy posts video of himself with two HK chics...and here comes Autumn, wanting to meet cute little girls in Nagaoka too. And along with his visit, comes along clouds and cold winds, bringing the temperature down.

Well, what I'm trying to say is...it's getting colder.

Cold days like this, there's no place better than spending time in your warm, comfortable
bed....embraced by soft, blankets welcoming you with open arms.

I woke up at 8.30 this morning but I just got out of bed at 1.40....it's amazing how much effort I take to bullshit myself with endless list of excuses of why I should stay in bed for just 5 minutes longer. And a person like Randy, who was notorious for his nonsense/crap/jokes during high school....bullshit excuses are my specialty, thus the reason why I was awake in bed for 5 hours. It took me one excuse every five minutes for five hours for me to run out of things to say to myself.


There's only one person out there who is better than me....sleeping beauty. A pinprick to the finger cause her to sleep for a hundred hours? Hah!! She must be the most extreme in insisting that she stays in her big comfortable bed. It took a kiss from a very handsome prince to convince her to get out...
As for me...I waited for 5 hours but no princess/cute chic/pretty girl/any girl came to my house to give me a kiss...

Sigh, I know I should be out of bed experiencing things so that I would have material to write in this Blog but...ahhh...the oh...so comfortable bed...

Now, I will summon all my willpower not to go back to bed. God knows I will slap my hands silly if it ever try to unconsciously reach for the blanket!

The moment of my life!!!

Remember me mentioning that I was featured on TV in Hong Kong??
Well, Miss Vanko haven't sent me the video yet, but here's the video clip from you tube..



It's only a short clip of me....probably because my Cantonese was very bad for the rest of it.. (^_^;
They even forgot to mention my name....sigh.......

But damn, watching myself on TVB Hong Kong is a little embarrassing...haha.
Looking at the video again reminds me of how I struggled to come up with a reply, and when I did come up with one, the conversation have already progress and I have to think of a new one yet again. Sigh, if only I wasn't intoxicated with alcohol and remembered my Cantonese better...

"Each time I watch the video, I had to laugh...and skip your part. Just too funny...hahaha"
said my housemate. Me too, I just can't bring myself to see the video....it's embarrassing. Makes me wonder how those actor/actresses live their life watching themselves on TV....

Anyway, thanks to Min Ven for allerting me about this vid!!

Apple of my eye..

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away..."
-English proverb-

"But two apples a day make your friends curious on whether you are dieting or not."
-Randy's Words of Wisdom-

Lately, I have been adopting the style of eating fruits for lunch. Instead of eating a full meal of carbohydrates, proteins, and fats for lunch, I eat 2 apples, last week was persimmons. There's no specific reason to why I started eating fruits for lunch..it wasn't for health, it wasn't to keep two doctors away, and it wasn't because of money....I just felt like it. It's funny how eating fruits sparked all kinds of comments from my loyal-to-rice friends...

"EXACTLY which part of you is fat?" challenged a plump girl....

"So you are on diet, huh? Wanna look good for who??" teased a friend of mine who recently found herself a boyfriend...

"Nasi lah....NASI!!" and she bangs the table to make sure she was heard. hahaha...

Well, no I'm not on diet. I thought that I was being too nice to everyone, so, if one single apple can corrupt Adam and Eve, imagine what two apples a day could do to me!! I'd be a full fledge devil within a week! hahaha...


But no, I just felt like eating fruits. Oh, I eat properly for breakfast and dinner so.....Mom, if you are reading this, don't worry about me not getting enough food and developing gastric. Eating fruits is surprisingly filling, two is enough to sustain me till school ends. And they don't cause afternoon drowsiness caused by eating too much for lunch.

But as for apples keeping the doctor away, that's bullshit. I'm down with flu now even after eating so many apples. Well, either it's bullshit or Japan have more doctors than apples.

Now I'm a quest to find out which fruit really keeps the doctor away(cure my flu)...

PS: Have you heard the rumour about how you will sneeze when someone is gossiping about you? Maybe, since I started eating apples, people talk about me so much that I developed flu...

Old and dangerous...

So, what do you see in this picture? While most of you may see a sweet old lady, ripe with old age with a pocket full of candies to give to small kids, what her face is really showing is...

"Don't mess with me punk, or I'll beat the shit outta you!!"

All of us young, healthy and strong people have been taking the old for granted. Just because they are old, we automatically assume that they are harmless little angels with saggy wrinkles and head full of white hair....how wrong we are!!

The reality would be that Japanese old folks mostly dye their hair purple and they are far from harmless!!

Recently, Japan's crime rate have been rising....and, believe it or not, most of it(more than 60%) are caused by old folks. Yes, old people have been terrorizing the streets of Japan, especially in big cities like Tokyo. I know...it sounds nonsensical that old folks here manage to achieve what terrorist like Osama bin Laden failed to do in Japan.
Retirement must be hard on them....poor retired folks, they must have gotten so bored that they decided to do crime for fun. Either that or that they are taking their revenge at the young ones. Jealous at us being so youthful and skin as smooth as pearls...or whatever you use to compare smoothness with.



But no, of course that's not the real reason why old folks are making police officers busy..

Autumn is approaching fast, and that means the weather is getting colder. Homeless folks like the guy in the picture faces long, cold, cruel nights sleeping out on the streets. So, they commit crime so that the police arrests them and lock them up. In prison cells, they get heat, food and security...all the things that they wished for when they are out in the streets. While most commit petty crimes like shoplifting and eating without paying, some go to great lengths such as stabbing and slashing at random pedestrians to guarantee that they get a long stay in prison cells.

Once, A 78-year old lady was arrested for slashing two pedestrian. When asked why she did it, she said that if she got convicted and sent to jail, she can spend the cold winter comfortably with ease. She actually smiled when she was sentenced 3 months jail...

With poor plans for the old folks, more is committing crime and prisons in Japan is turning into old folks home. It's kinda sad reading this on the papers...country as advanced as Japan would have problems such as this.

So, the next time you are out on the streets, ignore the spiky hair, blonde mohican style hair, young looking gangsters.....you'd want to beware of saggy lines and hunchbacks. If you see any old folks smiling kindly at you, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!! Worst, if any old lady smile AND wave at you...RUN AND SCREAM FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!