Cold, the word we use to describe the unpleasant absence of warmth.
Cold have been associated with many things; death, a witch's heart, bottom of a pit, Eddie Murphy's recent comedy movies, etc. None of them pleasant...except the idiom above.
It is now officially winter(based on my standards), and I'm shivering my ass off. Well, not really...just my hands, not my ass. I've only recently discovered the joy and wonders of long johns, so ass shivering is history. For the past 4 years, I've thought that wearing a pair of johns is for old people, and that it is not "macho" for a "macho" man like me.
Oh, the stupid things we do when we're young.
I'm currently doing my internship at a factory manufacturing steel products. I managed to keep my body warm by wearing suitable undergarments, but since I need to operate a few machineries, damn safety protocols won't allow me to wear gloves!! Being in the machining space also means that there’s no central heating like in the office. My fingers are numb with cold!!
There's a saying "Cold hands, warm heart". If that's true, then my heart must be burning a blue flame. Given my current condition, I think I'd rather be a son of a bitch and just be cruel to everyone. You know, jump queues, not greet old folks, steal candy from babies, kick a dog on the way to work...just so that my hands would warm up a bit. And as far as it goes, no, my hands are still not warming up.
So far, I've tried various alternatives, like;
・Buying hot cans of coffee. They cost money and only last about 10 minutes. Going to the toilet after finishing the coffee, washes hands with cold tap water....my hands ended up colder than before.
・Tried breathing into my hands, but that made me look like a nervous freak. Not to mention that my hands smells like grease.
・Thinking dirty thoughts. I just could not succeed in directing the heat to my hands.
・Tried the "mental trick" thing. Ignored the cold completely and focused on other jobs at hand...tricking myself into thinking that "it is not as cold as I think it is". Failed miserably when I had to touch cold metal pieces. My hands were to smart to be tricked by a cold piece of metal.
・Tried praying to god. Prayers answered but only with moderate success. I later found out that keeping my hands together reduces heat loss. But still not warm enough.
Damn, I think I might have to rob someone tonight.
Warm my hands at the price of other people's sufferings...a fair trade don't you think?
PS: Please, share whatever ideas you have on warming hands...before I start being cruel.
