This past 9 months have been a particularly interesting one.
I've been happy, sad, love, hate, confident and insignificant...all at the same time.
You see, I fell in love deeper than I've ever did in my life.
I had a wonderful girlfriend and we did almost everything together...she showed me a world so beautiful and full of happiness. I was actually happier than Barack Obama when he won the presidency.
Then she showed me how dark and cruel a girl can be.
We were happy with each other for about half a year, when suddenly, she started getting irritated about almost everything I do!! It's not like I changed suddenly or did anything outrageous...I walked the same, talked the same, acted the same. While we always had our private laughter between us, this time it was replaced with petty quarrels.
I knew from the start that we're different in personalities; I'm the kind of guy who celebrates human differences, she preferred uniformity. But we did do ok for most part.
Well, I guess you can say that I'm like the US while she's like the rest of the world, everyone using the SI system while I stuck to pound and inches.
Like oil and water, you can forcefully mix them up, but eventually the oil will float up again.
Needless to say, my eccentricity made her tired and our difference drove her away from me.
But what the hell...some things just aren't meant to be.
Just like Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson, can't manage to stay together...and they were both Sexiest Man and Woman of the year!!
After breaking up, all I wanted was for us to remain friends. But instead, I've got the cold shoulder...she downright ignored me at every moment possible. Not even a "hello" when we met again at a party one and a half month after "Armageddon".
I confronted her, asking her to not give me the cold treatment and let's just be normal friends...I mean, what the hell? We've known each other for so long and suddenly we can behave like friends no more??
She got angry and we got into a quarrel again.
The issue once again me being different from everyone else.
She was annoyed at me because of other people's misunderstandings. What the hell have other people's misunderstanding have got to do with me??
But I've always loved her...even after she broke my heart. Oh, who am I kidding...I worshiped her. And so I started to take her words very seriously and honestly thought that I'm the bad one...
I thought that my character really is fucked up and I started to hate myself.
I lost sleep, appetite and motivation to do anything at all...
To be very honest, I was going crazy(yes I loved her THAT much)...
The only thing that kept me sane was my few brief, but very important times spent with some friends. The other times when I'm alone, her words and my mind takes over.
Then, I came upon an ancient wisdom used by men since the beginning of civilization.
"Why worry? How about try not giving a fuck?"
I mean, she for one didn't give a fuck. She found a boyfriend a little too soon after the breakup(very very suspicious)....and nothing says "I don't give a fuck" more than that.
I've always been good to her...
I stayed up late at nights just to cook for her after she finishes work.
I made myself available whenever she faces work stress.
I've even decided to stay in Japan just to be with her. This was a pretty big deal to me...and making this decision was a really difficult one. (Interestingly, she left me just when I was about to begin job hunting.)
And yet she decided that she can't get over the little differences between us despite the things I've done for her. She let the small quarrels we had in a short time take over the good things I've done for her in a long time.
Aww fuck it, I'm done blaming myself. That's it. Enough.
I am who I am...I'm proud of who I am, and will forever be the way I am.
I would like to say a special thanks to a special friend Yumiko who stuck by me all the way.
Without her, I would have no doubt done something stupid.
