Tokyo Motor Show 2007

Thanks...thank ya all for the compliment. But alas...my hair have outgrown your compliments and I now have a normal hairdo once again. I plan to next do the crazy shaved-on-one-side hairdo...bet a lot will be laughing at me then...

Anyway, my post today is a little overdued. It's about the Tokyo Motor Show event that I went 2 weeks ago...was going to post earlier but I had my exams... dilly dally this and that...but that's that and I'm now in front of my keyboard beating the hell out of it!!

I originally went with a bunch of friends....but as soon as we got in, we got seperated. Yes, that many people went. Had a real hard time trying to get decent pics of cars, models I have no problem because .....well, people here don't place their hands on the models when they take pics. You don't hear anybody saying "Wow, nice "hood", may I place my hands on them then take a pic of your "engine"....come on, lift the hood baby!!"

Ok...here are the pics. They are chronological, so you more or less know where and what I took.


At the train station exit. I stood there staring at "EXIT" for 10 minutes...


Finally....


First thing me and my friends saw ....


Lost sight of my friends so I decided to indulge myself in another shot.


Here's a classic Honda...


Honda girls...


Very cool　sleek Honda


Forget the girl...the bike is awesome!!


Kawasaki Ninja bike...not exactly new stuff but drew a large crowd nonetheless...


Here's some new stuff...I like the white body design..


Me no like her...


Me like her...=)


She was a Yamaha girl 2 years ago...changed to kawasaki this time..


Quite a macho bike don't you think?


Futuristic bike called "Biplane"...supposedly to give you the feeling of a plane taking off...


Check out the X frame of that bike....said to give extra strength to the whole body...


Yamaha teaser bike. Last time they had only the plastic mold...placing the parts in as they develop it...


She smiled at me first...had no choice but to take her pic...


Japanese flavoured bike called "SAKURA"


Little too bulky for my taste...can't imagine kelly riding this...hahaha...


Motor Show ain't just about bikes and cars..


Van designed for mobile shop....this case a mobile pet grooming shop..


A guy made her say "wan" or "woof" in english....damn cute when she said it...


This one is quite spacy and can have a projector inside for the "car theater" experience.


Future dashboard ...all touch screen...


Said that they won't hand over the brochure if I don't take their pic..


This is a jeep.


Dodge manage to do the "sexy girls washing car" thingie...had to tiptoe to get this


I'd offend them if I don't take their pic.


Dodge's Demon....damn, if only I was born with a silver key in my mouth...


The design for this Merc F700 is crap....but the tech invested in this machine makes up for it. Supposedly to run smooth even on Malaysian's road (especially the one full of pot holes and bumps)


This was the car the girls was washing....Dodge's Caliber. Had to wait for the girls and people disperse before I could get this...


Safety technology provided by Ford. The silver balls won't hit each other even if you try to do the time pendulum thing. Also, sensors that will automatically brake if it sense oncoming collision.


Jaguar....the classy type.


Jaguar's muscle car. They must be running out of idea cos' this looks similar to Dodge's Caliber...


Mazda's 大気(taiki) which means..."AIR". Designs are suppose to mimick the airflow....very cool car with an even cooler interior...


No idea what car this is....this was a pic i got AFTER strecthing out my hands. I gave up trying to get close to this car.


Her smile made me forget there was a bunch of angry cameraman waiting to get her pic...


Her smile made me want to forget I took her pic...


haha...here's a decent one of her...


Corvette...what else need to be said?


Suzuki's concept car...


I waded and pushed my way through this crowd just to get a clean shot of the following car..


All hail the great Nissan Skyline GtR....*bows*...*worships*...


This car does a 360 degrees turn. Girl push a button, Car does 360 turn.....


Girl smile, my head does the 360 turn....


same old mini with a new way to open the door....and that's about it...


One word...weird.


The day when riding the wheelchair become a cool thing...


The plate reads "iF this IS my car...


Taken at about 3.30 pm......and this is just the pathway....now imagine the pavilions with beautiful cars...


High cheekbones...small lips....long flowing hair...
Believe me when I say my fingers moved on it's own.....*snap*


If Gollum from LOTR had a sister...

Toyota...my precious...


Lastly the concept car from Hyundai....Coolest SUV I've ever seen....

Just another random day....

>Ns29
I'm no music expert, but I think that it's because bass produce pulses of "solid sounds", oppose to guitars that is mostly done by "burst of sounds". The bass sound (bass guitar and drums) mostly provide the beat or rhytmn...that's why they "pluck" the strings.

>Steve Lee
Yeah!! That's a great idea!! We should definitely try that next time...
Anyway, nah...I'm no anime reviewer. Just sharing the good stuff that I find. Although I have to say that I've probably seen enough animes to become a reviewer...

>MayC
Yeah...that's what separates the good from the bad. The band that have to shout to be heard and the ones that have the audience shouting. My school once had a good band and the guitar plays is just awesome!! You can totally get his feelings from listening to him strum his guitar.

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With nothing special going on....and the fact that I'm bored out of my mind, I've resorted to the one source of entertaintment that I've yet to do in this lifetime. And that is.......taking a picture of myself with no particular background to show that "I was there!!!" nor to mark any special occasion. This particular "hobby" have been favourite past time for both my seniors....MGS girl and Kedah girl(Someone from Kedah name Pedot)...and I've had my share of teasing/laughing at them. But never did I guess that I would also one day succumb to it.

Well, it have been a long time since I've posted any picture of myself so...here's a pic of me now....



So...what do you think of my hairstyle? Does it suit me?....what the &%$%#!!! HEY!! Stop laughing!!! This is the first time...and probably the last...I'm doing this. Well, until I get bored again anyway..

As for other random news, I found out the one job that you'll never want to do. Firefighters. Yeah....men dressed in bright yellow plastic suits riding red trucks. I was out one night and I came across a group of firemen huddled around a burning stack of dry grass. Well, no they were NOT trying to put out the fire. Instead they were just standing around talking and setting fire to other stacks. Yeah...you read it right, they were setting fire to the stacks!!

You see, in Japan....a country that does it's best to preserve peace and quiet, it's no surprise that there's no one here stupid enough to play with fire let alone set fire to buildings. So...my guess is those firemen have not seen fire for a loooong time. They must have missed fire so much that they decided to have a small bonfire....ya know, just to keep their spirits up. After all, they didn't become firemen just to rescue cats trapped in trees.

As for other random news...it was raining the otyher night and I didn't have an umbrel.......ahh forget it. GAWD I'm bored...

The great unknown bands of Japan...

>Ns29
Did you shake their hands? You could at least waved at them...ya know, give them some encouragement. Give them the idea that they are popular there so that they will concentrate their effort there instead of near our college!

>Steve Lee
Dude...remember the time in Tokyo where you waved at them and got a big "THANK YOU" from the speakers? Hilarious...

>Li Yin
Careful now...you sound awful lot like an Otaku! And yeah...welcome to japan again anytime. Last I heard, they have a better memory card now, so...more space for you to take more pics.

>Kelly
They wake you up? Hmm...at least at my place, they do it in the noon and evening time. God bless them who do not disturb me in the morning and night.

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Being in final year in my college, my timetable is somewhat more relax than my previous years here. And what better ways to spend my time than explore the Japan culture right? So...I have been watching a lot of anime recently. Heh heh...I guess I can say that I'm an otaku in making.

And I have been watching A LOT...robots, monsters, school girls....you name it, I've seen it. But as much as I have seen, only one left me with a huge impression. It's an anime called "Beck : Mongolian Chop Squad" Despite it's title...this anime have nothing to do with Mongolia, butcher, or an army squad. This anime is about a group of high school kids trying to make it out as a rock band.



So...what so special about this anime?

Well, it's not. There's nothing special about this anime...it's just another random anime about a young boy getting bullied in school but becomes famous and all the girls love him in the end.

BUT....but what caught my attention was the songs featured in this anime. It's mostly rock songs with one or two ballads.....and damn, it's good!! After watching this anime...I started listening to songs in another way. I mean when most of us listen to songs, we go for the beat or the overall rhythm, right? Well, same goes for me but after finishing this anime, I started to concentrate on the guitars and bass...something I've never paid attention on before.

And I'll have to say that I prefer Japan rock bands to the American ones. What really sets them apart is the bass. Bands like "The Pillows" and "Beat Crusaders" have really good bassist in their band. Lar'c en Ciel is not bad too...although I don't really fancy most of their songs.

Anyway, for those who consider themselves music enthusiast, please try listening to Japan rock bands. You might change your taste to them instead of pop/R&B.

Remember...look out for "The Pillows". Oh, if you have anything you like to share...please do so.

How to get an er(l)ection in Japan!!

>Li Yin
Of course I remember you!! How can anybody forget you? So, did you manage to get anybody jealous with that bookmark I gave you?? You know....the one with the cute little japanese girl on....anyway, great to hear from you again. Coming to Japan again soon?

>Kelly
No I'm not a clean freak.....I ate my share of dirt and junk throughout the year. It's just that my body have stronger immunity towards bacterias that gives you diarrhea....but it seems that even my body can't match up against the dirt Malaysians can produce...haha, hope the Gov don't sue me for this.

>Mayc
Yeah, I remembered the day I stared at my own stool for a full 5 minutes before working up the courage to reach in and grab some....yucks just thinking about it!

>Steve Lee
Umm....yeah, about the time we spent the night in Tokyo. That story never fails to amuse people.

>Ns29
Yeah....with that healthy body of yours, your body might have gone into shock from the diarrhea and could have died!! But then again, please don't hesitate to go next year...

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Erm, in case you are wondering if this entry is a sexual one, no it's not. It's just that being in japan for so long, I started to mis up the "r" and "l". What I meant was election....or was it erection? Anyway, it's the process of selecting a candidate for a certain responsibility by voting. Just for the record, I DID NOT, on any circumstances, do that on purpose just to get your attention....hehe...

Political representatives are once again getting their yearly erection in my region. And GAWD DAMN I've never been so irritated....

You all know that er(l)ection works best when you are popular and people know who you are or heard of your name. In Malaysia, we have the system where candidates travel from place to place holding rally talks...you know, the one where they stand on a stage to give speech about a bunch of sweet nothings. Always promising something well beyond their own commitment. "I'll clean up the place...I'll build a better school...I'll not embezzle..."Hah..makes me think that it's a politician's duty and responsibility to lie. If they can't lie to us, then they are not a suitable candidate for the job.

ANYWAYS, in Japan, they don't have such things as a 'rally talk'. Nobody knows why they don't...they just don't....damn, I wished they do. You see, the way they do it in Japan, the candidate sit on a little ass van...drive around town, blaring their own name on a big speaker and waving and smiling to practically no one. Come on dude....what the hell are you trying to do? Trying to prove that Japan's technology on loud speaker is good? YES, I can hear you a mile away but I'm still not voting for you so...SHUT UP!! And stop waving please....

For a country that tries its very best to preserve the peace and quiet of the neighbourhood, it's quite surprising that this kind of "sound pollution" is actually allowed on the road. Secretly, I suspect that they are blackmailing us that if we don't vote for that particular candidate, he won't shut up. But the again....can't they just use the Malaysian way of setting up a stage somewhere and make empty promises? Come on mister....Lie to me! ...lie to me, then leave me alone for the day!

Sigh...they do irritate the hell out of me, but at least they manage to amuse me in a certain way.

Have you ever seen a tired smile? I don't mean the kind of smile that you do 'after a long hard day, you're tired but manage a smile at the end' kind of smile. I mean the one where you 'smiled non-stop for a whole day till you tire your face out' kind of smile...it's pretty hilarious when you manage to get a good look at it. I could have swore that that guy's face was shaking all over!! Just like when legs muscles shiver after a long hard run, his lips was like, trembling....his cheeks was convulsing here and there....as if his face was begging.."Please!!!....please, no more smile...I....I can't take it anymore. ARGH...shit, he's making a turn here! Shit! he's gonna smile again.....NOOOOoooooo".

Haha.....must be tough going in to politics in Japan.

A Diarrhearific Hari Raya

>Richard Styver Steve Carlos Lee Boon Hon
Oops....yeah, my mistake there. Chin Wooi loves Twins more than his own mother, not S.H.E . My kohai recently told me likes S.H.E....that's why I got mix-up.

>Shuk Yee
The one you ate was Nasi Ayam....though the ayam goreng ran out before you came. And lucky you didn't follow me to the embassy...

>Kelly& MayC
Well....yes and no. My main purpose of blogging is not to fetch comments but I do enjoy reading other people's opinion on what I wrote.
Besides, Cosplay is one of Japan's most popular sub-culture around....so, I kinda expected a lot of comments on how nice it is...how crazy it is....whether they feel like trying out cosplay....you know, that sort of stuff....hmm, maybe they are just scared of being called "otaku". I don't....I'm a self-confessed "otaku in the making"!!

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If you could remember what I said in my last blog, you'd probably know how much I looked forward to Hari Raya. As Raya is one of the few events in Japan that can really remind you of home. And I have to give my compliments to the staff at the embassy for doing such a good job at preparing the food and the festive mood.

At the embassy, they had everything that could perfectly resemble Malaysia, more with the fact that it is prepared by the Malaysian Embassy. We had Nasi Briyani, Ayam masak merah, ketupat, rendang....and even diarrhea!! You can't ask for anything better than that combination.

Being in Japan for so long, I've came to realize that Japan is a very health conscious country. Always being careful at what they serve, both nutrition and cleanliness wise. So, being here for almost 3 years, I've not gotten diarrhea (not even stomach discomfort), not once!! But in Malaysia...well, we all had our share at eating at mamak and hawker stalls and we all know how unhygienic it can get. We all know how high the risk was at getting sick from eating all those junk (delicious junk they were though.....).

So...as to remind us students in Japan that they can always feel at home in the embassy, they planned to make us all sick this Raya. They managed to contaminate the Ayam masak merah with something(I don't wanna know what that is) that caused all of us to suffer diarrhea through the night.

You know, it's funny that I'm saying this but...Wow, I almost forgot what diarrhea felt like!! For a moment there, I could swear that I was undergoing the long awaited human evolution. Holy Shit! I'm evolving into a woman! Charles Darwin was right after all!! Oh no wait....it's just stomach cramps. Sigh....this is going to be a loooong night.....and a long night it was. My butt was like a leaking pipe the whole night! And I thought that I was peeing through...well, you know what I'm gonna say, so I'll just stop here and leave the rest to your imagination.

Sigh....what a day on Raya.

But on the contrary, it was quite a nice day actually. I mean, we later headed to staff house's and had our "2nd round" of makan....they had very very nice bihun sup, rendang with ketupat and kuah kacang, sambal, lontong...not to mention a few kinds of kuih raya. Most of friends were there.....rekindle old friendships, catching up with others and I made some new ones. I met one who flew all the way here from Malaysia. Imagine that! Flying to Japan to celebrate Raya!!

After the open house, we went to a restaurant to chat some more. We end up talking a lot about girls and sex and gays, which kind of weird when I think of it again. I mean, we just met with each other and were having such conversation at a dinner table. Hmm.....whatever that makes you happy, right?

Anyway, I suffered yesterday and so did many other. But after what happened, will I go again next year? Of course I will!!!!

Buka Puasa in japan...

Wow.....3 comments? Waited for two weeks and all I got was 3 comments? I'm beginning to suspect that I may have more female readers than male! Well, either that or I'm beginning to lose visitors...hmm, whatever but, I really felt "it" when I saw them there...and felt "it" again when I browse through the pics I took. So, "what's 'it'?" you might ask...in Japan, we call "it" Moe (pronounce as "mow-air"). It's a feeling that you feel when you get all perked up and excited when you see them. It's not a sexual feeling....but close. Like when you see a cute japanese in a maid's costume with short skirt and long white stockings....you get all excited but you don't actually have any perverted thoughts. Get "it"?

Anyway, yeah...thanks Kelly...glad someone could appreciate the hard work those cosplay put into the costumes and posing. And Steve....why are you complaining? I thought you had no interest in them!!

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I used to fast when I was a kid....been doing it every year since kindergarten when it's Ramadhan month. If you are thinking that I'm converting to Islam, no I'm not....I love pork too much to convert(FYI, the hindu's fast also). But then again, I'm not into any religion anyway....

So, why do it? It's not like I'm tied to any believes, right? Well, I was a curious kid and had always wanted to know what is it like to fast and why do they do it....but I soon lose interest and end up doing it for fun. I find that there's something special about breaking fast with your friends and savoring your meal after a whole day of not eating or drinking. Something special in the atmosphere....not just the everyday "have dinner together". It's.....oh, I don't think I can express it in words properly (failed at explaining "it" as well) ....it's something that you have to experience yourself to really understand it.

I have been doing it....well, not for a whole month but a day or two.....since the day I learn to count till the day I learn to curse vulgarities. And that habit haven't changed even when I went to (came to?) Japan. Just last Saturday, my colleague Nur Hafizah invited the Malaysian students from Oyama College over to my place for a buka puasa event. So, as usual, I pledged myself to a day of fasting....though I do have to admit that fasting in Japan is much easier than in Malaysia, the sun sets here at 5.20. And the air isn't as dry, so it's easy on your throat too.

More than 15 turned up for the "buka puasa". We had nasi goreng, bihun goreng, nasi ayam, tepung pelita, tiramisu, jeli jagung and dadih. For drinks....we had uhh....bankok, a mixture of bandung and coke. Let me tell you this, I have never enjoyed dinner better than the one I had last Saturday this whole year! Being the only Chinese for the first half (my junior Shuk Yee joined in halfway through)....I wished the guys from Oyama joined us that day...namely Li Jia, Chin Wooi...particularly Steve Lee!! You were there right? What were you doing there? Don't tell me you went there to visit Chin Wooi!!!

Well, I had fun as I get to meet my friends and juniors from other college...not forgetting the authentic malay food cooked by Malaysian girls.

As for this coming saturday, it'll be Raya at the embassy!!! Lots of nasi briyani and rendang!! See you guys there!!(For my friends in Malaysia.....you can always fly to Japan for Raya)



PS: For readers not in Japan.
There are quite a few Chinese in Oyama College, Chin Wooi, Li Jia, Anselm Wong, and friends. Steve Lee is from Kisarazu College. Anselm is busy most of the time, Chin Wooi's only interested in S.H.E....not guys. As for Steve Lee and Li Jia, well, let's just say that there were plenty of rumours concerning them. We all know that the rumours are false....or is it?
Now, question is, Steve Lee went to Oyama for ______?

Hint...he could have eaten nasi ayam at my place but stayed there for a reason. haha.....

Tokyo Game Show 2007

Thanks a lot fellas.....it means a lot to me. ON a second thought, maybe I should have spoken out in English and see how that guy squirm and struggle to try to answer me back in English!! Bet he would have left me alone after "I'm sorry, but you shouldn't touch my sister you asshole". Hmm....this could actually work! Ok....will try to get into a fight again as soon as I can.

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Before you proceed any further, please be warned that this entry will contain a LOT of pictures. So, if your web browser take a long time to load.....well, don't go elsewhere!! Go get some popcorn instead and wait for it to load, you lazy ass %#&%$#%!!!!!!!!!!!

One more thing that you should know before proceeding, though the title says "Tokyo Game Show 2007"....the pics I took are mostly pics of various cosplay. Cosplay here means costume play.....as in crazy people with too much money and have nothing else better to do donning costumes of characters in anime, games....etc.
Okay...okay, I take back what I said. Cosplays here are not just people dressing up fancy. Cosplays here actually study the character they represent and then post accordingly. Real high quality stuff...and all of them have calling cards so just in case someone gets interested, they can call these people to do promotion works. The same goes for cameramen....they hope that the pics they take can be sold.

Well, the pics shown here do not....I repeat, DO NOT contain any pics regarding games....you see, I wanted to take pics and videos of game demos shown there. And they really have good stuff there but then I figured out that, you might as well log on to the official websites to view them in better quality than those that I might have taken, right? Why waste my time taking videos of them?
But damn.....games from PS3 are really living up to it's name....the monster machine. Games like Metal Gear Solid4, Heavenly Sword, Gran Turismo.....words cannot describe the beautiful display those games show on the PS3. Games from other platforms, as for example Halo3 on XBOX 360 have really good graphics but not as smooth as PS3 can project.

Hmm....actually I think that words can describe them. The gameplay is like looking at a animation movie. For those who have played games enough knows that, the graphics level drop significantly during gameplay because the CPU simply can't process the immense information received from player feedback.....but for PS3, you will somehow lose track of when the movie begins and when the game actually begins!! The movie just flows right into gameplay mode. I tried a game called "Heavenly Sword"......damn, nearly cried from witnessing such beauty and grace of the gameplay. Not forgetting to mention that, my character almost died because I thought it was still in movie mode.

Ok, I guess you got what I meant to say..."PS3 rules!!!!" So here are the pics...enjoy.


















































I would have taken more if I had more time.....you see, I had to line up just to take these pics. At the show, I had to balance my time between these girls and the games on the show. I even had to forget lunch!!

The night I almost got into a fight...

Tonight's the one night which I think I'll remember forever. Tonight's the night when I almost went crazy and lose my mind.....

Actually, today was the day that I was suppose to enjoy myself. There was a festival going on at a city name 石岡(Ishioka). It's said to be the 3rd biggest festival in Kantou(Middle of Japan) area. So I was there with a group of people...mostly foreigners who came to Japan for homestay. There was a Spanish guy, Swiss guy, American guy, a Chinese girl and my godsister from my foster family in Japan. I was having a great time at the festival...with a cute Chinese girl who stays by my side almost all the time, today was suppose to be.....well, said it many times already.....fun.

But then ....trouble came out of nowhere. A guy...drunk, with tattoo all over his arm....came by my group and hugged my godsister from the back. Seeing that, I pulled him away and kinda shoved him a bit. I know that I shouldn't be provoking a yakuza, but then again, I can't just stand there and watch him hurt my god-sister right?
After that shove, I tried to quickly walk away to avoid trouble, right thing to do, right? But seems that that guy, with his pride hurt, wouldn't let me go just like that. He grabbed me on my sleeve and started hurling vulgarities and words that.....well, I think he was trying to threaten me. So, I said I'm sorry, said that that's my sister and tried to walk away again......this time, he grabbed me harder and showed off his tattooed arm, saying that he belong to the yakuza....I was pretty sure he was trying to get into a fight with me.

So....at that moment, something happened to me that even now scares the shit out of me. You see, when he was threatening me with his "tattoo" .... I wasn't scared of him and his friends(3 more of them) ... but I was filled with rage and anger. All I focus on at that moment was him and him alone. I just stood there with a blank face with a blank mind...and with the rage so intense that I was actually longing for contact with flesh and bones to my fist.
He wasn't holding on to me and his friends was trying to pull him away but I just....stood there, willing him to hit me so that I could him back. I wanted to hurt him so bad....

But right at that moment, before I could do something stupid someone interrupted to save the day. A guy dressed in white walked between us to break us up and that moment, I was brought back to reality and I quickly walked away before madness could overcome me.
I really feel grateful for that guy who walked in between us. Cause' I don't know what I would have done back there. I mean...I was really hoping to hurt that guy at that moment.

Now, I can't help wonder what kind of guy am I....am I insane? I mean, am I in the normal state of mind? I may be smiling and joking all the time.....most of you know me to be quite talkative and fun, but deep down, am I a sadist who enjoy causing pain to other people? Am I a crazy guy after all?

This thought really scares the shit out of me. I don't expect I'll be able to sleep well tonight...

Medically hilarious...

>no37
Yeah...I had a terrible pimple on my face that day. Had to hide it now, don't I.....

>kelly
Wah.....do you have to make it like I'm the loneliest guy on the planet!! I know that this is nothing compared to your trip to China...dressing up like a China Doll.

>stevelee67
Dude....there's no kura-kura on Mt. Fuji!! Hmm...or maybe there was, we just couldn't catch up with it.

>joanne
Umm....which Joanne are you? Tried to log into your profile but was rejected...

>Shuk Yee
Sorry.....didn't know for sure if you were as crazy as us. Will ask you out for trips next time....

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I uhh....have almost nothing to blog about these days due to my inactivity in the outside world. Well...it's not like I decided to be a hermit crab (just being a crab will do). I do go out for jogging and doing barbells....but it's not something to blog about right? I mean, who the hell wants to read:

"I went out for jogging today....I put my left foot down, lifted my right, hop forward a little and landed with my right. Then I hop forward again with my right foot and landed with my leftfoot .....right foot, left foot....right foot, left foot....and on the way I almost stepped on a pile of dog shit with my left foot but was unable to avoid it with my right foot in time."

See what I mean? Boring shit right? And I'm not the type to blog about politics or racial issues....got bored of it a long time ago....and now with the government watching, can't simply write stuff right? Not cool to have my dad apologize for my behalf on National TV. Anyway, I decided to put in some funny medical reports posted by my now slim friend who once wasn't (I'm talking about Ong Ai Jun, my classmate back in highschool)....here it is, enjoy.

______________________________________________________________________

The following quotes were taken from actual medical records dictated by physicians. They appeared in a column written by Richard Lederer, Ph.D. for the Journal of Court Reporting. These and other language gems will be featured in Lederer's new book - Fractured English, to be published by Pocket Books in the fall of 1997.

• By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
  
• Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
  
• On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
  
• She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
  
• The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983
  
• Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.
  
• I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.
  
• The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
  
• Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
  
• The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.
  
• Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
  
• The patient refused an autopsy.
  
• The patient has no past history of suicides.
  
• The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
  
• Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
  
• The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
  
• She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
  
• The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary edema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.
  
• The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
  
• Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
  
• The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
  
• Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you would like to work her up.
  
• She is numb from her toes down.
  
• While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
  
• The skin was moist and dry.
  
• Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
  
• Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.
  
• Patient was alert and unresponsive.
  
• When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
  
• MD during a physical exam, stated, in my ears, "I am unable to arouse this woman", personally, I really don't think he should have bragged about it.

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Funny ass shit right? Man...I should have taken up medic. Would have made head surgeon in a month!!