Tonight's the one night which I think I'll remember forever. Tonight's the night when I almost went crazy and lose my mind.....
Actually, today was the day that I was suppose to enjoy myself. There was a festival going on at a city name 石岡(Ishioka). It's said to be the 3rd biggest festival in Kantou(Middle of Japan) area. So I was there with a group of people...mostly foreigners who came to Japan for homestay. There was a Spanish guy, Swiss guy, American guy, a Chinese girl and my godsister from my foster family in Japan. I was having a great time at the festival...with a cute Chinese girl who stays by my side almost all the time, today was suppose to be.....well, said it many times already.....fun.
But then ....trouble came out of nowhere. A guy...drunk, with tattoo all over his arm....came by my group and hugged my godsister from the back. Seeing that, I pulled him away and kinda shoved him a bit. I know that I shouldn't be provoking a yakuza, but then again, I can't just stand there and watch him hurt my god-sister right?
After that shove, I tried to quickly walk away to avoid trouble, right thing to do, right? But seems that that guy, with his pride hurt, wouldn't let me go just like that. He grabbed me on my sleeve and started hurling vulgarities and words that.....well, I think he was trying to threaten me. So, I said I'm sorry, said that that's my sister and tried to walk away again......this time, he grabbed me harder and showed off his tattooed arm, saying that he belong to the yakuza....I was pretty sure he was trying to get into a fight with me.
So....at that moment, something happened to me that even now scares the shit out of me. You see, when he was threatening me with his "tattoo" .... I wasn't scared of him and his friends(3 more of them) ... but I was filled with rage and anger. All I focus on at that moment was him and him alone. I just stood there with a blank face with a blank mind...and with the rage so intense that I was actually longing for contact with flesh and bones to my fist.
He wasn't holding on to me and his friends was trying to pull him away but I just....stood there, willing him to hit me so that I could him back. I wanted to hurt him so bad....
But right at that moment, before I could do something stupid someone interrupted to save the day. A guy dressed in white walked between us to break us up and that moment, I was brought back to reality and I quickly walked away before madness could overcome me.
I really feel grateful for that guy who walked in between us. Cause' I don't know what I would have done back there. I mean...I was really hoping to hurt that guy at that moment.
Now, I can't help wonder what kind of guy am I....am I insane? I mean, am I in the normal state of mind? I may be smiling and joking all the time.....most of you know me to be quite talkative and fun, but deep down, am I a sadist who enjoy causing pain to other people? Am I a crazy guy after all?
This thought really scares the shit out of me. I don't expect I'll be able to sleep well tonight...
7 comments:
Dude, your not insane or mad or anything of that. The anger that fills in you that causes you to want to hurt him badly comes from the feeling of being protective over someone you care. And for you to have that anger and rage to hurt him is totally normal especially when the person being hurted at the first place is someone close to you. No worries dude, I know what you feel. Whatever you did was the right thing, never strike first unless being strike at first.
People do crazy stuff when they are mad and regret them later..But what you did was right though,never strike unless being strike first.It is wrong to inflict hurt to others but not in the wrong to protect yourself.Still,thank goodness for the guy who came in between,else you wouldn't have come to your senses..
Thinking what if I happened to go with u...
Another person that cant sleep this night,maybe.
I got this kind of feeling too...when the 911 happened and kept repeating in tv...
What can I say...Randy,u really experienced a lot of thing for ur whole life.
Ooh, I know how you feel. I have a friend who was also in situation comparable to this. But unfortunately, (or fortunately I should say), I've never met him face to face before or he'll be in deep s**t. But well, self-control above all else, is the essence of a sound mind. I'm sure that yakuza person was not in the right state of mind to decide on his own actions. Take care man.
it was good that you never got into the fight. thank god that guy came at the right moment. and i couldn't have imagine what would happened if you got into the fight. sometimes, human can be patient but there is always a limit. you took the right action.
bravo!..as the former champion of moral quiz in KL , i think u did the right thing.:) But im just wondering what were the other US guy and swiss guy doing ??
anyway am really glad that u didnt involve yourself in a fight :)
You did the right thing.... and PS: you are not mad. You were just protecting someone you know and care about.... Thats a right thing. If it was me, I would not wait for him to strike.....
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