Medically hilarious...

>no37
Yeah...I had a terrible pimple on my face that day. Had to hide it now, don't I.....

>kelly
Wah.....do you have to make it like I'm the loneliest guy on the planet!! I know that this is nothing compared to your trip to China...dressing up like a China Doll.

>stevelee67
Dude....there's no kura-kura on Mt. Fuji!! Hmm...or maybe there was, we just couldn't catch up with it.

>joanne
Umm....which Joanne are you? Tried to log into your profile but was rejected...

>Shuk Yee
Sorry.....didn't know for sure if you were as crazy as us. Will ask you out for trips next time....

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I uhh....have almost nothing to blog about these days due to my inactivity in the outside world. Well...it's not like I decided to be a hermit crab (just being a crab will do). I do go out for jogging and doing barbells....but it's not something to blog about right? I mean, who the hell wants to read:

"I went out for jogging today....I put my left foot down, lifted my right, hop forward a little and landed with my right. Then I hop forward again with my right foot and landed with my leftfoot .....right foot, left foot....right foot, left foot....and on the way I almost stepped on a pile of dog shit with my left foot but was unable to avoid it with my right foot in time."

See what I mean? Boring shit right? And I'm not the type to blog about politics or racial issues....got bored of it a long time ago....and now with the government watching, can't simply write stuff right? Not cool to have my dad apologize for my behalf on National TV. Anyway, I decided to put in some funny medical reports posted by my now slim friend who once wasn't (I'm talking about Ong Ai Jun, my classmate back in highschool)....here it is, enjoy.

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The following quotes were taken from actual medical records dictated by physicians. They appeared in a column written by Richard Lederer, Ph.D. for the Journal of Court Reporting. These and other language gems will be featured in Lederer's new book - Fractured English, to be published by Pocket Books in the fall of 1997.

• By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
  
• Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
  
• On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
  
• She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
  
• The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983
  
• Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.
  
• I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.
  
• The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
  
• Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
  
• The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.
  
• Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
  
• The patient refused an autopsy.
  
• The patient has no past history of suicides.
  
• The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
  
• Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
  
• The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
  
• She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
  
• The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary edema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.
  
• The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
  
• Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
  
• The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
  
• Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you would like to work her up.
  
• She is numb from her toes down.
  
• While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
  
• The skin was moist and dry.
  
• Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
  
• Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.
  
• Patient was alert and unresponsive.
  
• When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
  
• MD during a physical exam, stated, in my ears, "I am unable to arouse this woman", personally, I really don't think he should have bragged about it.

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Funny ass shit right? Man...I should have taken up medic. Would have made head surgeon in a month!!