ENGLISH Speech Contest in Japan......

An announcement about a speech contest came two weeks ago. It came after my lecturer exalted and worshipped me like a god for 40 minutes during English class, dudes.....not exagerating, you'll know what I mean even if you are in Japan. They treat you like god even if you order McD in english...anyway, he mention about the contest and was asking if anyone wanted to join....funny, when he said "Anyone", he was having his eagle eyes fixed on me, I could have sworn fireballs shot from his eyeball toward me. Well, I couldn't reject him could I?? He was like " Randy, join the contest you s** o* a b**** !!! " Anyway, no one else join because they say they already have their class representative......sigh, me.

So, he told me to bring my speech to him for grammar checking after I write one. I came up with a speech titled cartoon culture...mainly bout how cartoon is changing our lives. Like all obedient student will, I brought it to his desk on time. Looking exited and all fired up, he clapped his hands once and said....."Ookkay, let's spot for grammar misses...." Took my paper and....was reading.....and suddenly, "Randy, WHAT is this?". For an instance I thought he didn't like my speech as I "exercised" some of my crap in it....as usual right?. Anyway, it goes...

"Randy....what does this word means?"

oh......"that" ....that means....

"and this?"

well, this means...

"oh i see.....and what about this?"

And so it went on for quite a while, me explaining what i wrote.

When he's finally finished reading my speech, he said," Randy, you've got to edit this! This is too difficult to understand!!" Guys...I did write my speech using simple english. He asked me to simplify it and gawd help me.....I don't know how to!! At last, he said nevermind and wished me luck for my speech. I was like ....Hey, wasn't that suppose to be grammar checking? Sounded like an english lesson to me! Anyway, was thinking....if my lect don't understand my stuff, how bout the rest of the audience??!

On speech day, I was the no.10 speaker out of 17. No offense but Jap english really is that bad. They did a superb job of mixing the "r" and "l" and a better job at speaking english that don't make sense at all!! It's like reading out a sentence that have no spaces between the words. try saying....Thesedaysviolentgamesareinfluencingyoungpeoplesmindand .....see what I mean? I had a harrrrd time trying to understand what the speaker is saying. But it's not only me, almost all of the audience were dozing off by the time it's my turn. Well, I don't blame them.....

And then it's my turn....and magic happened

The moment I start speaking, everyone looked up at me and stared with their wide goldfish eyes....they were like, "Oh my gawd....who on earth is that? Where he learned to speak like that....was he the blessed one in the phropecies? Is he....god?" I...uhh.....never knew that MY english could have made such an impact. Maybe it's just that I dropped all the lar- , lor- , mah- , one- , wor- , ah- ....you guys should try it too.

I don't think anyone save for the judges undertood my speech. But I won 1st prize anyway. Haha...made Malaysia proud.