Other than dreams......ever seen naked butts before?

Never in my life as a heterosexual have I seen naked butt...sorry, naked butts! yes, B-U-T-T-S! Please take note that it's with the 's' marking it a plural noun, plural as in many many naked butts. (Wanted to type in ass but I don't know what is plural form of ass...help anyone?)
Anyway, I joined my jap friends going to the 'ofuro' , which means bath.... and here bath means bunch of naked guys soaking in a big bathtub. Girls...if you are secretly hoping for pics, forget it....I'm crazy but not crazy enough to snap pics of guys butts!

K, this 'geli-fying' story's like that...

I entered that place fully clothed. Entered a changing room...nah, let's call it stripping room.... where everyone reach to their locker and start stripping like their clothes are on fire. Well, had to strip too.....Can you imagine how funny I felt stripping beside a friend? And doing that while chatting 'normally' bout TV programs. Could've sworn I felt my butt cheeks blushing. Dang.....all the time wondering wether he is or is not gay. is he looking? Is he not looking? That is the question.....well, thank god he isn't.

K, now everyone's one is 'sheltered' only by pubic hair..

Well, everyone carried on as if nothing funny going on...I had to act macho and pretend.... ' no, no i have no problem showing my ass off' . Anyway, whilst on my way to the bath area, i saw cleaning ladies walk past us.....cleaning LADIES! Female! A Woman!..Yup, they were wearing clothes and carrying broomsticks but....what the **** are they doing in here? GAWD! Never have i been so awkward before in my entire freaking life! Yeah...they work there and have seen hundreds of dicks but still can't help thinking ....."Shit, will they knock me out with broomstick and rape me? Crap, will they suddenly reach out and grab? Dang, are they staring? Yuck! Is that lady salivating?" I might be labeled paranoid but then again i was imagining all of them licking their lips as they walk past....sheesh...worst nightmare ever.

Ok, survived my journey in harmless...mission accomplish.... or so i thought.

We all have to wash ourselves before going for a dip. Can you actually imagine your self being in shower area full of naked man? Nowhere to look but butts....and having to bathe and soap yourself beside another naked man who's just 2 feet away? again, hesitation steps in and I had trouble soaping myself......Oh, well,.....you know where.

K, finished being porn star, rinsed myself...2nd mission accomplish

Now comes the big issue of getting into a big bathtub with none other than nude guys. 'It' is all underwater now and this part isn't so bad. As for the baths, they have open aired ones and enclosed ones. i went for the open aired ones. The weather here's like 18 C at night...and there it was, the inviting warm water. Smells of roses laced the cool air. There were clear-water ones and reddish one. I went in the red one (This is where the rose fragrance came from). Breeze whispered by and your head feels cool but your body's warm....breathing in rose-scented air while counting stars...the warm water which quickens your heart beat a little and make you feel a lil' light headed, just like after effects from drug...wow, now i know why japs love this damn thing....was so nice...stayed in there for like almost an hour half. there's vending machines around so we bought ourselves a couple of beers and just soak there, chatting bout this and that.

K, the best part ended...time to get out.

Once again, there comes the challenge of getting to the changing room with cleaning ladies still there....damn, haven't they seen enough already? anyway, while going off to dry myself, once more i got the shock of my life.... There were parents brought their kids there...and not all of them kids are my species! I saw a 7 year old girl run past me....man, I was like Gasp!! a young goat in lion's den.... Wanted to shout "Hey kiddo, run around in Malaysia like that , you get raped!" Anyway, nobody cared. But, I'd imagine when the girl's all grown up....."Hah, I've seen IT like, what, a thousand times since I was a kid!"
Well, went on drying myself and got my ass covered. On the way out, my friend was surprised to find out that Malaysia don't have this kinda culture...he said "Sorry! My apologies..I didn't know. So, how was it? I put you in awkward position, didn't I?"

I said....oh, it's no big deal........

Golden Week ....

That term Golden Week is actually a week long holiday...perfect name eh?
K, holiday actually started on the 29th of April...just got time to type today so...

That Friday me and that MGS girl went to Tokyo...there was a gathering of all Malaysian Chinese there....and I'm a Chinese. We was there for lunch...went to play at the same park with crazy people (recall my sakura story) ....and then my home less night in Tokyo.
K, that's for intro...
The day after homelessness, I went all the way to Osaka, one of Japs major cities. It's uhh....a long way from Tokyo. Anyway...guess what I went there with?? Bus? What? You think I sit in a museum worth Transnational?? NO! i went with a Bullet train...check this out



Lovely eh?? notice how far back it goes...took me 2 hours ++ train ride. Anyway, have you people heard of bullet trains? Really? well, I SAT in one...haha. What? irritated by my showing off? Oh, bite me.....or you can be a devil and remind me of that extra delicious satay celup i dream about every night....sigh....
double sigh....
Anyway, my ex-roomie picked me up from the station and went walking round Osaka city...was raining that day so, not much for that day...
Next day, we went to a place called Nara. There's a famed big buddha statue there. Well, the whole place is a big park surrounding the main temple...around the park, I saw for the 1st time of my life a living deer, other than in Black pepper sauce. not 'a' actually but many deers... the whole place is filled with peaceful looking deer grazing on grass.




That's me trying to speak in deer language but he or she (dunno, didn't check) didn't seem to respond..hmm

However, If anyone ask me for my comments, I'd say, SHIT! not boring shit but shit's shit. The whole place is practically fertilized with deer shit. Not a single damn spot to step on without soiling your shoes with smelly pieces of crap. I actually wonder if the 'many deers' here have to do anything with the lack of chinese here. Imagine if they have this many deers thing in Malaysia.....bet some chinese dude will set up a restaurant and start kidnapping those deers. And then....Cheap dear! Cheap Dear!

Anyway, made our way to the main temple and i understood why is it called main...


The entrance gate is HUGE! I think it takes three of me to hug the support pillars. And on the inside, there's 2 huge stone guards staring at all of us tourist raping the place off serenity.


That's me again trying to be funny..

Anyway, if the entrance can mesmerize anyone, what lies beyond the gate will definitely takes one's breath away (Cehh...poetic!)




Notice that guy in the middle? That's me, desperate to be funny...

The courtyard outside is lined with flags...is it suppose to look like that or is it suppose to have some spiritual feel to it? God knows.....but here's a look at it.



And on the inside, sheltering under the enormous structure is The Famed Big Buddha....Hmm, I like that name...



I've once visited Penang's Quan Yin at Kek Lok Si Temple...damn, at that time when I take a look at it, I feel something spiritual in me, something like understanding that I'm humbly under god's whim and the all so overwhelming presence of it. But here, ...i guess the shitload of tourist here just spoils the spiritual air....Sad to say that The Famed Big Buddha look just like another piece on display. Great but ordinary at the same time.
Anyway, left the place and venture round again...saw some jap chicks in Kimono and then felt so lucky to be in Japan..they can look so delicious in that Kimono.



And then I saw that thing......ABC! Well, jap's ABC anyway, just plain ice and syrup, no beans or anything...and i paid for it RM10! My.........mom .........is......... gonna ........nag.....



And not just one stupidity but dear old Randy had to perform two stupidity to live up to his Ketam nickname. Spent RM3.50 for fortune telling and got my un-fortune told instead..


Yeah...go ahead laugh all you want. Come back when you finish spitting saliva everywhere in your fit of laughter...

All in all i have to say that the one thing i saw that intrest me most is this...


Gentle? Man?....???

The next day, gave up being holy and went back to being traditional tourist. Went to an Underwater World kind of place...cool....



K, gonna be National Geographist and show some very boring pics of whales in aquarium , ever heard of WHALE in AQUARIUM?(yeap, no spelling mistakes..aquarium as in aquarium your cute little goldfish live in), crabs that look like The Terminator's parents, weird stupid fish, weird spiky fish, penguins(cold climate animals) swimming around happily while I sweat my head off, and of course sea otters..



Creeeppieee....the light have super effect for creepiness..


like i said, weird fish, swims super slow and easily blinded by flashes of light...it bangs in to the barrier every time someone snap a picture


Look closely..there's actually two fishes there..


the spiky one....


This one just finish humping another sea otter, please come back a few months later for a new baby sea otter..

After watching porn of two sea otters, headed outside...Right outside there's a a super tell ferris wheel....tall as umm Emperor Hotel near Bukit China....sad thing is, I had to leave early that night... since I've come from a faraway place...can't ride on that giant Wheel...frustration level went up like what US hope Wall Street would go up. And my friends wasn't doing much help...just laughing at me..Damn....



So, that's all folks, thanks for bearing with this TV Pendidikan kinda thing....Oh, by the way, on my way back, i took the normal train...my wallet told me it needed some fresh air. Journey took me 12 hours ++....

Homelessness in Tokyo : The city that never sleeps

K, this is interesting...I spend one night being homeless in the great city of tokyo...mainly in Shinjuku. The irony is this...I had a place to stay but me and my buddy Lee Boon Hon was crazy enough to say.."Hey, let's try being homeless in Japan....go anywhere also must have this experience!" ...And then there was the man-to-man handshake and promise done....we're gonna be homeless!



Fakeys of us sleeping.....

Let me start again...There was 8 of us bloddy M'sians. We book hotel room for 4 peaheads...little did we know that the hotel managaer can be quite strict and chased 4 of us away. we made a deal among ourselves that 4 will sleep 1st while 4 more will sleep at god knows where(They went to sleep at karaoke) I spend the 1st night in the hotel room...
The next day we went for meeting with other seniors...Two kind young ladies offered us 4 people (2 guys 2 girls) a place at their place on one condition...not to come back to late. Ok...thanx a lot ladies.....
Later that day, me and a bunch of fellas wanted to go round the city....which means coming back late. So, during dinner me and Boon struck on a conversation about homeless...and decided that we wanted to try being homeless....and that's it. Promise made.
At the start, it wasn't that bad...we walked around...and walk....and walk....and finally understood the meaning of 'The night is still young' (Don't think I'll ever use it again) . Well....we just kept on walking looking for a place to sleep...funny thing is, every crook looks inviting! I noticed that people who wants a decent place to stay always fret about where to stay and being homeless, everywhere is possible! No trouble looking for a place to stay...
We found a place that leads downstairs...went down, greeted by a guy who says "Welcome..how may i help you?" We pretended as if our japanese was hopeless asked what place that is..he said place for adults...we continued playing...what? Bar? No No...disco? No no..what? I no speak english...すみません（sorry)...hahaha...
So we walked on...we passed a street in Shinjuku called Kabukicho. There's people in suits all over...all dressed up like business man. Almost all of them approached us asking if we want to see girls naked...if we want to touch naked girls....if we want to screw naked girls.....well, me and that guy Boon figured out that if we speak english, we can play a while and make our escape..it worked super well..with most of them appologizing..hmm, they appologize for approaching us or for not being able to satisfy our libido?....well, most of them make full use of body language...hand gesture that points at his groin, points at his mouth ...points at the one other smelly place...let me tell you that was HILARIOUS!! Anyway, one worked out that he can make us understand by keying in numbers into his handphone and show it to us....for one minute, I thought he was gonna call someone who can speak english, i saw that my loyal buddy Boon was all set to run away leaving me there. haha.... ..This part i don't have any pics...afraid to take one. Someone might kill me for taking pics....I mean it figures....they don't want me to take free pics of their girls struting their stuff.
We earlier planned that if we can't make our great escape, we would just pay and enjoy what they have to offer rather than being chopped up to pieces. Oh, stuff that keeps these guys from approaching you, ice cream and videocam...kids, take note please.
Anyway...we found a place we thought was a nice place to spend our homeless night. Our peaceful homeless sleep didn't last that long....our inexperience taught us that the temperature drops drastically at 3 something and will leave us to shiver our very own soul out of our body.
Well, can't sleep...mite as well walk on...
While on our little 'adventure' I saw a poor man got beaten the shit out of him...and that happen only 30 meters from the police box! poor guy was kneeling and he got kicked and punced......I can't shoot slimy white liquid from my hands and climb walls so i left him being helpless..

On that night, I realised why they call Tokyo the city that never sleeps....that night I saw this..



and this....



The first one is a PET SHOP!! Imagine mentally healthy, sane people buying pets at 3.30 in the morning!! and training their pets!! It's like...fetch Spike, go fetch! Good boy, here's a piece of sushi. Now fetch again Spike!...at 3 in the morning. The second one is Psycologically logic and head with brains homosapiens doing shopping at 4 in the morning!! Not to mention during our adventure, we saw people playing arcade football and arcade drum and praticing baseball at 3 in the morning!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THEM?? DON'T THEY SLEEP??
That is when we really understood the meaning of homelessness....people whom we call homeless, yep, those fragrant people who sleeps on the street, are not so homeless after all....the streets ARE their home! they have a place to sleep, a place for retreat.....while those people practicing baseball and train pets in the wee hours in the morning, they ARE the homeless ones...
And then the sun rises.....aaahhhhh, the sun, wait, my watch says 5 in the morning....WHAT? The Sun doesn't sleep too??
Well, we went for breakfast, ate ramen when we saw some homeless people, classmates i'd say...


It's like live comedy... the guy on the right ate as fast as he could and just prop on the table. The one on the right...gawd, you guys should have seen his face. It's like every swallow he take portrays suffering on his face...he naps for a while, wakes up, takes a few painful swallow then falls asleep again. As if he suffer so much just to eat. It's like Stephen Chow's show...live.

You all might say that we did something stupid... got a place to stay but went being homeless instead. So stupid that we do not deserve JPA but.....if I've not experience homelessness, I would definitely not have discovered what I have written above. It was a nice experience in a way....in another way, I see myself a fool, a complete waste of oxygen.....but no regrets though!