恋をしていない時間も、大切にしてください。

相手に届かない気持ち、
すれ違うお互いの気持ち。
どんなに想っていてもうまくいかない
「恋」もあります。
自身をなくして落ち込んだり、寂しさに
戸惑うこともあるでしょう。
でも、そんな時だからこそ、
もてる時間があります。
今まで、相手のことばかり考えていた毎日が、
自分のことを見つめる時間になる。
その時になって初めて、自分の弱さや、
周りの人の優しさに気がつくのです。
一つの恋を終えたばかりの人も、
今が、あなたにとって大切な時。
自分自身と正面から向き合える、
素敵な時間なのです。

変わらずに、あり続けること。


電車の中に読んだものです。
この詩、いい！！！
泣きそうでした～ (´＿｀｡)

Farewell Choi Choi!!

Woke up in the morning as usual at 7 a.m.
The morning air was still cold and I felt great reluctance to leave the warmth of my bed. I spent 5 more minutes in bed mustering all the willpower I had and was finally able to kick away my warm blanket. With my shivering hands I pulled back the curtains to allow sunlight into my cold, dark room.
It was raining slightly outside..."damn, looks like I have to take the bus to campus today" I thought to myself.

After that was all routine. The same thing everyone does in the morning, put the water to boil, take a shower, have breakfast with coffee...the same old mundane steps we each never fail to do in the morning.
The bus ride itself was a typical deja vu experience. The driver mumbling safety precautions, the old lady struggling to maintain balance while the bus moves, students with sleepy faces clinging on to their bags to their chests, which I'd imagine that they thought it was a pillow.
The bus once again reached the campus with haunting punctuality. Even after spending 6 years in Japan, it still fascinates me how the public transport system can be so efficient. Unless during winter when snow and ice are inevitable, the bus is never late for more than a few minutes.

I climbed the familiar stairs heading to my lab, hung my wet umbrella on the stand, took off my shoes and changed into my lab's flip flops. Then, I looked to the left, a habit I've developed over the past one year. I looked stupidly at the empty chair and dead monitor screen...and that's when I realized " Oh yeah...Choi choi's gone back home."
At that moment, I can't help but feel my heart cried just a little bit out of loneliness.

While the friendship that exist between me and Choi choi's was nothing special, we did enjoy each others company. I would poke fun at her with otherwise cruel remarks and she would come up with something funny or witty to say. Oh, the things she would say!!!
It was a tiny nothing, but it was something to look forward to in the mornings.

I still remembered the first time we met. I asked her for her impression towards me and she said "pervert, liar, bad guy, disgusting..." and I myself have said uncomplimentary things, both which was nothing good and quite childish now that I think about it. But it was based on those childish remarks that our unique friendship was built on.

While not many, we've shared quite a few fond memories. The weekly parties among foreign students, a triple date with Dino, Megumi, and a Japanese couple from Yamaguchi, the many times where I cause small quarrels between her and Dino, the time where she was assaulted and I helped her make a report....
Yeah...we definitely shared quite a few fond memories.

9 months or so have passed since she first came, and as they say "Fond times passes quickly". It was at last time so bid farewell to each other. I'm definitely most glad to have met her as she left a big splash of color on my life's canvas. Leaving a bright, vibrant color to my otherwise mundane life in campus.



I wish her all the best and I hope for all the good things to come.
Goodbye Choi choi!!

Learning how not to give a fuck...

This past 9 months have been a particularly interesting one.
I've been happy, sad, love, hate, confident and insignificant...all at the same time.

You see, I fell in love deeper than I've ever did in my life.
I had a wonderful girlfriend and we did almost everything together...she showed me a world so beautiful and full of happiness. I was actually happier than Barack Obama when he won the presidency.
Then she showed me how dark and cruel a girl can be.

We were happy with each other for about half a year, when suddenly, she started getting irritated about almost everything I do!! It's not like I changed suddenly or did anything outrageous...I walked the same, talked the same, acted the same. While we always had our private laughter between us, this time it was replaced with petty quarrels.
I knew from the start that we're different in personalities; I'm the kind of guy who celebrates human differences, she preferred uniformity. But we did do ok for most part.
Well, I guess you can say that I'm like the US while she's like the rest of the world, everyone using the SI system while I stuck to pound and inches.
Like oil and water, you can forcefully mix them up, but eventually the oil will float up again.
Needless to say, my eccentricity made her tired and our difference drove her away from me.

But what the hell...some things just aren't meant to be.
Just like Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson, can't manage to stay together...and they were both Sexiest Man and Woman of the year!!

After breaking up, all I wanted was for us to remain friends. But instead, I've got the cold shoulder...she downright ignored me at every moment possible. Not even a "hello" when we met again at a party one and a half month after "Armageddon".
I confronted her, asking her to not give me the cold treatment and let's just be normal friends...I mean, what the hell? We've known each other for so long and suddenly we can behave like friends no more??

She got angry and we got into a quarrel again.
The issue once again me being different from everyone else.
She was annoyed at me because of other people's misunderstandings. What the hell have other people's misunderstanding have got to do with me??

But I've always loved her...even after she broke my heart. Oh, who am I kidding...I worshiped her. And so I started to take her words very seriously and honestly thought that I'm the bad one...
I thought that my character really is fucked up and I started to hate myself.
I lost sleep, appetite and motivation to do anything at all...
To be very honest, I was going crazy(yes I loved her THAT much)...
The only thing that kept me sane was my few brief, but very important times spent with some friends. The other times when I'm alone, her words and my mind takes over.

Then, I came upon an ancient wisdom used by men since the beginning of civilization.
"Why worry? How about try not giving a fuck?"
I mean, she for one didn't give a fuck. She found a boyfriend a little too soon after the breakup(very very suspicious)....and nothing says "I don't give a fuck" more than that.

I've always been good to her...
I stayed up late at nights just to cook for her after she finishes work.
I made myself available whenever she faces work stress.
I've even decided to stay in Japan just to be with her. This was a pretty big deal to me...and making this decision was a really difficult one. (Interestingly, she left me just when I was about to begin job hunting.)
And yet she decided that she can't get over the little differences between us despite the things I've done for her. She let the small quarrels we had in a short time take over the good things I've done for her in a long time.

Aww fuck it, I'm done blaming myself. That's it. Enough.



I am who I am...I'm proud of who I am, and will forever be the way I am.

I would like to say a special thanks to a special friend Yumiko who stuck by me all the way.
Without her, I would have no doubt done something stupid.

Job hunting in Japan.

When I first set out for Japan, I decided that I would finish my degree, then work in Japan for 5 years, then head back to Malaysia to finally enjoy a plate of authentic Nasi Lemak...

After my diploma, during my undergrad, I realized that "Shit!! I still don't know what I want!!". And it was either I start job hunting or pursue my masters.



My university offers a half year internship program for those who wants to do masters. Those who plans to stop at degree will have to write a thesis instead of the internship. I thought that the half year internship could help me figure out what I really want in life...so I registered for masters program.
If you are thinking "Why not do internship, then quit? That way, you can get your degree without writing a thesis AND you get to do the internship"
Well, that is possible but it would be messy...and it would hurt the chances of Malaysians who are trying to get into my Uni in the future...

Anyway, I went for internship...and boy, I made the right choice. I finally knew what I want...and I pursued masters.

Now, I'm facing what I avoided 2 years ago...job hunting.
And let me tell you...it's a pain in the ass!!


*Read in National Geographic kind of voice
(Job)Hunters on the prowl...armed with sharp pens and a hard folder, they pursue their prey from sunrise till sundown. These hunters usually dressed in their hunting attire when they go for the hunt...a pair of leather shoes, business suits and a tie. These hunters often stalk their prey for months before they attack. However, if these hunters fail to make the kill, many will hide in recluse...refusing to even see the light of day.

Job hunting in Japan starts freaking early...too damn early. Students here start job hunting a year and a half before graduation!! That's right, right after finishing the first semester after enrolling, you have to begin worrying about job hunt. What a load of crap...this practice pressures students to engage in job hunt during college and most will not get to experience a normal college's life.
What the hell Japan...everything is too early here. They can't wait for their fish to cook, they start decorating for Christmas in October, start job hunt more than one year before graduation, arrive 10 minutes before an appointment, ejacul....ehem, let's leave this part out.

In all seriousness, I think Japan have this practice because they have that tendency to begin everything in Spring, or early April to be precise. Companies and corporates all over Japan, even schools, have welcome ceremonies for newcomers in Spring. So, they selfishly wants to recruit by then. Since recruiting during the last few months in the final semester is just plain cruel, they decided to do the lesser of the 2 evil, begin recruiting a year before.



The process of job hunting here is:
1. Survey various companies or attend a job fair. Identify the companies you want to apply for.

2. Send in entry sheets.

3. Attend a special explanatory seminar in the head or branch office. This is usually done on business days. Yes, this means skipping classes.

4. Attend interview and exams.

5. Attend second interview.

6. Start working for them 1 year later.

Yup, 6 simple steps. Sounds easy...except that the whole process takes about 4~6 months!! And you are applying for dozens of companies!!! You can see here that job hunting in Japan is a waste of money and energy. If you are aiming for a job far away, well, good luck traveling 3~4 times there.

So, you can see here that with this amount of time and energy required, college students can't undergo a normal college life and that they can't concentrate fully on their studies. Furthermore, applicants are evaluated based on their past performance, not their achievements during the last year in University. So, that means that if you have a shitty record in your previous school, and if you can't get a job...you can do your best and be the best god damn student in Japan and still be jobless after graduation, just because you missed the job hunt window. What's the point of learning and maturing in University then?!!! Isn't that the point??

So, many of you asked, why does students in Japan sometimes commits suicide after failing a mere paper in high school??
Well, the answer is : pressure of society.
Society demands that we excel all the way...one misstep and your future is screwed. Such stress and pressure often push students over the edge when society should instead offer them a chance to improve.



Well, you can argue that students here commit suicide because of bullying. Yes, that's true but there are cases where a failed paper is the cause.

Recently, a bunch of students protested in Shinjuku, saying that they want to live a college's student's life. And that they did not enroll into college just to job hunt. Oh my heart goes for them...

But to be fair, there are a few of my Japanese friends here who say they like the way things are. They said that they hate spending time idling around for more than 1 week after graduation...now, this is the part where we all say "What the hell?!!"

So anyway, I'm job hunting at the moment. My choice of work will take me either to Aichi prefecture or here in Nagaoka. If I stay, well, I guess in 10 years I'll be the old one at the Uni's foreign students party....hahaha



Oh god, I wish I get a job here!!!

The nice places and food around Nagaoka.

Well, I haven't been writing for a long time.

It's time to pick up writing again since I need something to do with my "free time".
You see, I used to spend my free time with my girlfriend, but now that we're no longer together, and everything else that I can do just reminds me of her(anime, manga, movies, taking a walk...everything), I figured that I might as well pick up writing again.

So, I would like to share the nice places and food in the otherwise "boring" Nagaoka.

The park near the Nagaoka Red Cross Hospital


The statue of an old man pointing to a beautiful girl across the river.

I have been to this place more often than I can remember. This park is free and accessible at any time of the day, be it noon or midnight. It's a really nice place for walking your dog, jogging or just to hang out. There's plenty of people around at day time but it is mostly empty at nights.
Beautiful flowers of all kinds are on display most of the time. The department store Apita, the Nagaoka Art Museum and the cinema T-Joy are all within walking distance from the park. What's really nice is that there's a path along the Shinano River that connects my apartment directly to this park. You can usually enjoy the sight of ducks frolicking in the water...and did I mention the breeze? Well, there's always a nice breeze to go along with your walks. Oh, by the way, Shinano River is the longest river in Japan.
I used to jog here and back, just sit on the bench at night staring at the stars, strolling while enjoying the variety of flowers...I even went with my in-line skates here.

Italian - A curious mix of yakisoba and meat sauce


I call this "what??" noodle...

Now, this is indeed a mysterious kind of food called Italian. Now, when one mention Italian, we automatically expect pasta, spaghetti, pizza...you know, "real Italian food". But no, this is instead a mix of yakisoba and meat sauce(the one meant for spaghetti).
The taste? I...I don't know how to describe it. It's not bad...but it certainly wasn't that good either. I guess you can call it...strange.

How this came to be?? Well, my guess is that many many years ago, some Japanese dude was about to eat his dinner, yakisoba, when he realised that he have leftover meat sauce from the previous night's dinner. Not wanting to waste the sauce, he poured it over his yakisoba. He must have thought "Hey...this is not bad!!". He quit his job and opened a restaurant selling "Italian", the name as a tribute to the meat sauce.

Anyway, Italian is only available in Niigata prefecture. In Nagaoka, you can get them from shops named "Friend" at either Jusco or in Harashin supermarket near Musashi Home Center.

Echigo Park


Pictures taken during Summer Illuminations

This park is also one of the park which I visit quite frequent. It's really a nice park with a huge area of lawn grass for you to do practically anything you want on it. A picnic, roll around, kick a ball, kick 2 balls, badminton, lie down...you get the idea.
There's a flower bed around but it's quite small compared to the other parks(that collects money) but it's beautiful nonetheless. There's also a hill which you can climb either by stairs or up a grassy slope. Quite a nice view from up the hill. Oh, on the way down, you can try rolling down...it's really quite fun!!!

Me and Maureen preparing to roll down the hill....

There are quite a few notable events at this park, to name a few; tulips festival, rose festival, Summer Illumination Night. They also have various days where entrance is free of charge.
There are also various attractions at this park, for example, foot-pedaled car that goes round the park, Frisbee golf, playground with a rubber dome to bounce on, mini water park with stepping stones...all kinds of stuff.

As far as I know, it is the only park around Nagaoka that collects entrance fee.

Eguchi dango

Dango, rice dumpling.

I have to say...the dumplings here are delicious!!! My favourite is soy sauce flavored dango.
The green tea is quite nice too...and if you are lucky, you'll get to see Japanese tea preparation ceremony as well.
Not to forget that you'll get a very nice view of the nature from the window.

Soleine


Tasty Colours...

They've got all kinds of gelato...you name it, they've got it. Pumpkin, strawberry, vanilla, green peas, tofu, cherry, dark berry, black sesame, yam....they've even got beer gelato!! Haven't tried beer but I absolutely love their vanilla gelato...

New Town Park

Sorry, don't have(can't find) a better picture.

Needless to say, another park. Not much different from other parks except that its got a lake.
A decent park...enjoyed it.

Bushiya- Ramen Shop

Tsukemen...personal recommendation on this one.

Yeah, Japan's famous for ramen and they've got thousands of shops....
So, what's special with this one? The soup's base is katsuobushi....and it's very nicely done!!
A treat for your taste buds if you are looking for something other than the usual salt, soy sauce or tonkotsu(pork bone).

Higashiyama Family Land

Ponies...cute as they are, the sight of them urinating and defecating is disgusting nonetheless.

This is yet another park...but it's a park with ponies!!! Kids or adults who is very much shorter than me can ride on it. You can even feed the ponies if you want to.
Not only ponies, they even have bunnies!!! Bunnies and ponies!!! what else can you ask for?? Goats and chicken?? yeah...they've got them too.
They also have a course for extreme mountain biking...along with ramps for jumping. Cool huh? They've even got summer-ski as well!! FYI, summer-ski here means shoes with two big ass wheels on it.

Alpaca Farm

Alpacas are cute. Nuff' said.

Momiji-en


One of the reason why I'm staying in Japan; I'm a sucker for autumn leaves.

Well, this brilliantly taken picture says it all. Bright red leaves that will bleed your heart of passion...
This place once belong to someone...you can see the house in the background. That person took into the art of Japanese Garden, and this wonderful garden was later donated to the city and it has been a popular spot ever since.
This place is also open at nights and there will be spotlights around to highlight the gorgeous red.

That's all that I have in mind at the moment...think I may have covered all the places I've been to. Well, for folks who are planning to visit Nagaoka and see this post, you're welcome!!

Roses at Echigo Park..

People have once commented, "Randy...you? Flowers?!! For real?? You like looking at flowers at the park?? YOU?!!"

Well, yes, I admit that flowers don't really suit my image. I guess my image is more suited to violent and extreme stuff...but guess what? I'm a sucker for pretty flowers...

Just over 2 weeks ago, roses were in full bloom...and they were put in display at a local park. Until now, I've mostly been to the park alone (Well, people mostly thinks I'm joking when I say "Hey, let's go the park to look at flowers!!"), but this time I was accompanied by my lovely date, Megumi. And it's nice to have company...except that this time, I'm limited to looking "only" at flowers...nothing more...haha
Nah, just kidding...why would I want to look at "other flowers", right? After all, I am dating the 2nd best rose of the day....



My junior, Spaghetti-girl was supposed to join as well but canceled at the last minute...
Too bad...really needed a cameraman at that time...haha

Anyway, the weather was bright and sunny that day...perfect day for a stroll at the park looking at roses. After a simple sandwich for lunch under the cooling shades of the parasol while listening to a relaxing piano performance, we joined the throng of crowd walking through the rose filled park.

I took plenty of photos..about 100++...I'll only display my favourite ones here...

































I have to say, I really enjoyed myself that day...
Looking at the vibrant colours, sniffing at the sweet fragrance...can't imagine any better Sunday than that day.

And Megumi was a very good sport!! Well, you know that I don't(and will never) say normal things when giving comments....which applies to comments on roses in this case. For example:
"That one looks like a 40 year-old Lady in an 1840 English court"
"This one look like a prostitute...looking all nice but empty inside(no fragrance)"
"That one look like a 12 year-old Russian girl all dressed up for her party"
"This one looks like a 14 year-old teen dressed in gothic fashion"

*Please don't ask me why and what those comments are....these just come up in my mind when I looked at the roses that day.

While most people will give me the eyebrow or ignore me completely, Megumi was with me all the way...laughing along to my silly comments. The fact that she enjoyed my silly, incomprehensible comments worries her a little....well, a normal, average Japanese wouldn't react to my nonsense like she did...hahahaha.

We ended the day with a rose flavoured ice-cream, the chilled fragrant sweetness savoured at a picnic table while reminiscing on my silly jokes...

Life...is good.

Mitsuke part 2 : Homestay with a pair of old folks...

I don't know how many of you believed my kite story in the 1st part, but it's true!! It is too interesting a story to be false...right?? haha...

Anyway, like I mentioned before, I was there to participate in a homestay program...

So, after the supposed to fly, but can't fly giant kites event, us foreign students all separated and went back with our host families...


The "lucky" folks who got me was Mr. and Mrs. Kobayashi. Just in case you are wondering, no, they are not related to my girlfriend who also shares the same surname.

Anyway, they are a pair of very nice old folks. 71 for the lady and 72 for the old man. Apparently, this is the first time they participated in the homestay program and was worried about getting a foreign student who can't speak Japanese, have religious restrictions on food and drinks...etc. So, they were quite relieved to find that I speak decent Japanese and also eat/drink anything.


The Kobayashi's ...


The lovely garden at the front...


Vibrant colours welcoming me into their home...
A very nice place...very comfortable and relaxing.

It was still early in the evening, so me and the old man went for a walk in the nearby paddy fields and we talked about various things....and for the first time in many years, I actually enjoyed my conversation with an old folk. While other old folk would ask the same silly questions everytime single time like "Where's Malaysia?" despite knowing quite well where Malaysia is, or "Does it snow?" despite knowing that it is warm throughout the year near the Equator.
This old man however, surprised me when he asked "So, why do you come all the way here to Japan? Have you benefited anything from your stay?". I don't mean any insults here but, I wasn't expecting these questions from a 72 year old farmer. He was a very intelligent man with quite a unique sense of humour...thoroughly enjoyed my evening walk with him.

Anyway, it was dinner time and he prepared a feast for me!! Table was filled with fresh produce picked from his very own farm, and also a rosted spice chicken especially for me...well, he knew I was Malaysian and prepared something that he thought would suit me. A lovely dinner joined by the old folk's daughter and granddaughter...
Mrs. Kobayashi kept trying to strike up conversation for me and her granddaughter...hahaha. Typical old ladies playing cupid...

The next day, my morning started with a Japanese full breakfast...fish, egg, natto, miso soup, pickled cucumber, various vegetables...I especially love the vegetables, very rare can you taste fresh produces like these.
They then took me to Yahiko Park....quite a famous tourist spot in Niigata...


The torii, a typical gate to an entrance of a shrine. This one was made out of wood taken from Ise Grand Shrine.


A place where people wash their hands and mouths...

The road leading into the inner shrine complex..


The shrine....


Entrance of the inner complex....

It was said that Shinto is the way of life, more like a culture, not a religion. While religions are mostly filled with restrictions with plenty of Don't-s rather than Do-s, Shinto evolved along with the lifestyle of people...


A popular trend among the Japanese is getting blessings from the shrine when they buy a new car...see these 2 cars? They are Toyotas but they don't over-accelerate...they've got the shrine's blessing...haha.

Anyway, after a short tour of the shrine, we went up the nearby mountain Yahiko.







Well....honestly, nothing special with this mountain except a nice view from the top...which I have seen many many MANY times....
But the company from the 2 old folks was nice...^^

And then the inevitable farewell came to be...


The farewell picture...

Most of us returned with souvenirs of all sorts...me? I've got a loaf of bread(from other family who have a daughter of 21 years old...^^; Wants me to visit them sometime..) a bag of potatos, two bottles of instant coffee, and a small bottle of home made Plum wine...


Them sending us off...

I had a very very good time at my home stay...not so much because of Japanese culture(I've been living here for 6 years, have seen much, done much) but more because of the nice people I meet.
And, I've got a big surprise when I reach home to find that the old lady had hidden a letter addressed to me....such a nice gesture.

When I have the chance, I will definitely visit them again some day...
But I wonder if I should bring my girlfriend along....well, I partly suspect that the reason they liked me so much was because they suspected I was still single. I guess I'll just leave my girlfriend behind and visit them myself!! hahaha....